The Conundrum of Arthur's Secret Boyfriend
by UselessWreckage
Summary: Arthur has a boyfriend whose identity he will not reveal. Uther has a personal assistant whose job depends on following his every order. Uther demands that his PA find out who Arthur's lover is. Merlin is not particularly happy.


Most people were terrified of Merlin's boss, and he couldn't exactly blame them. One could hardly deny that Uther Pendragon was a pretty terrifying man, and Merlin probably did have more reason to fear than most. But having worked as his personal assistant for two years, he also felt he was beginning to learn how to deal with him. He'd never actually gotten fired, and Uther was known for sacking PAs left right and centre, so he must be doing _something_ right. Nevertheless, he was completely unprepared for the baffling task he was about to receive one seemingly ordinary morning, when Mr. Pendragon called him into his office.

"Emrys," the boss greeted him, "If you wouldn't mind closing the door and taking a seat." He was civil as ever, but with the threat of thundering rage looming right behind his polite exterior. That was no reason to assume Merlin was in trouble; it was just Uther's modus operandi. Merlin obeyed.

"How may I help, Mr. Pendragon?" he said as he sat.

"It's about my son."

Merlin was puzzled, and from that moment, the puzzlement would continue to increase.

"Arthur?"

"Yes."

"What is it about him?"

"He had something rather troubling to reveal the other day, and I feel action is required."

"…Right."

"I've long been of the opinion that it is time he settled down and got married, and so I've suggested quite a few eligible young ladies that would suit him perfectly."

This was something Merlin, and anyone else who had ever been within earshot of Arthur Pendragon in a bad mood, were very well aware of. He was glad to be aware of it, too, because it provided him with a good range of ammunition against Arthur, should the need to tease him emerge. It frequently did.

"Well, yesterday, I casually suggested that he meet with the daughter of an old friend of mine. He became very angry and told me he was not at all interested, because he is already seeing someone. A man."

"…Ah."

There was a moment of incredibly awkward silence, until it became clear that Mr. Pendragon did not intend to expand unprompted.

"Does this boyfriend have a name?"

Uther rolled his eyes, an expression that shouldn't look appropriate on a man nearing his sixties, and certainly not terrifying. It did, though.

"I am quite sure he does, Mr. Emrys, but sadly I do not know it. Whoever this man is, he's not yet 'come out', as they say, and so Arthur does not feel inclined to disclose his identity."

"I see."

"And that is where you come in."

"…I _don't _see."

Uther sighed impatiently, as if he couldn't believe what a slow brained idiot Merlin was. Now that was an attitude that apparently _did_ run in the family.

"I need you to find the identity of Arthur's secret boyfriend."

He spat the last words out as if the taste of them offended him.

"What? You want me to spy on your son?"

"Yes, if that's what you must do to get me the information. I want to know who this man is, and find out what it takes to get rid of him."

"Get rid of him?"

"Threats, money, whatever it takes. I want him away from Arthur as soon as possible. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. You may return to your desk. I'll call Arthur in for a conversation in a minute, that should give you a chance to search his office."

Merlin nodded, and got up to leave, but he hesitated with his hand hovering over the door handle.

"Mr. Pendragon… You know _I'm_ gay, right?"

"And more power to you," Uther answered, not even looking up from his papers, "There's nothing wrong with being gay, but Arthur is _not_, and the sooner he stops this nonsense the better."

That interpretation was evidently debatable, but Merlin knew better than to point it out.

Needless to say, he found the request pretty bizarre. For the last two years, the boss had been consistently reasonable. Sure, he pushed all his employees devastatingly hard, and being his PA wasn't in any way an easy job, but everything he demanded was work related and necessary. Uther Pendragon knew how to run a company. This latest order, however, was absolute lunacy. So unexpectedly mental that Merlin still didn't know how to react. He had yet to work that out when the intended victim of espionage sauntered past him, casually knocking a stack of papers from Merlin's desk onto to the floor.

"Prat," Merlin grumbled, as was his routine, and got up to clear the mess. Arthur smugly winked at him as he entered his father's office, and Merlin shook his head. He caught Elena's eyes from over by the water cooler. She had the decency to pretend she hadn't been amused by the tiny confrontation, even though she wasn't terribly good at pretending. Gwaine, who was standing next to her, didn't pretend at all, smirking broadly. Merlin had a sound theory that a deciding factor in getting to keep his position was that his continuous warfare against the boss's son was the office's favourite source of entertainment, and surely a boost to morale. Snide comments, jokes, pranks, and general petty actions like this one. That didn't mean Merlin wasn't alarmed that Uther wanted him to _spy _on the man. After he had gathered the wayward documents, he discreetly snuck off in the direction of the younger Pendragon's office, as instructed. If anyone saw him, they would probably just think he was after some sort of revenge. He had a token look through he drawers, knowing he wouldn't find anything of interest. Exactly what Uther expected him to search for was anyone's guess. When Arthur returned, Merlin was leaning back in his chair, waiting for him. It took Arthur a second to notice, as he closed the door behind him with an irritable mutter before looking with surprised at his uninvited guest.

"Oh - Hi."

"Hello."

"To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

"Your father."

"Of course. So, what is his newest scheme to make my life as annoying as possible?"

Merlin got up and proceeded to pace theatrically across the room.

"Well, he tells me you have a secret, closeted boyfriend hidden away somewhere. Should I be concerned?"

Arthur's eyes widened in surprise, and then his face became a pained mask, which he brought his hands to with a groan.

"Oh, _god_. No, of course you shouldn't. Sorry about that. He kept pestering me with his very ill advised matchmaking plans and I just… Blurted it out."

"I see."

"Hang on. What does he expect _you_ to do about it?"

"Spy on you to find out who you're shagging."

"I'd be _very_ worried if you had _any_ problems finding the answer to _that_."

"And _then,_" Merlin continued, ignoring Arthur even as he wrapped his arms around Merlin's torso and bit one of his ears softly, "He wants me to find out what threats or bribes are necessary to get rid of him, because obviously you are not actually gay. That would be ridiculous."

"Oh dear. I really do have to watch my back, then. What if he offers you enough money to build your own robot army? I'm not sure I could compete."

"Oh, I'd take the money."

"You heartless swine."

"And then the first thing I'd use the robots for would be to go on an epic quest to rescue a certain beautiful prince held captive in a tower of heteronormativity by his evil, yet well meaning father."

"Sounds uncharacteristically heroic. A shame that if he finds out it's you, he'll resort to threats rather than bribes."

"Why on Earth did you say I was in the closet, anyway? You know very well that I'm not. Are you projecting, is that it?"

"Pssh. Rude. I just think I'd have been throwing you to the dogs if my answer to why I couldn't tell him your name was 'because he's afraid you might sack him.' Besides, I think I've officially outed myself now, whether he believes me or not."

"I suppose you're right. Congratulations, dear."

"Thanks, babe."

Arthur said that with his mouth pressed against Merlin's skin near the collar of his shirt. He was pushing against his neck, kissing and sucking small little bites that weren't enough to leave a mark, but certainly enough to distract Merlin. He was quite proud of his willpower when he managed to wave Arthur off.

"Seriously, though, we need to take a common stance on this."

"Okay," Arthur agreed reluctantly, "Why don't you just tell him you feel uncomfortable with the ethics or whatever, and ask not to have to go through with it? Surely he can't do something nasty to you for refusing _one job_. He's not the actual Devil."

"I'm not entirely sure he isn't. Regardless of that, what he'll do is hire someone else to spy on you, who is better than me at the task, more unscrupulous, and not as likely to manipulate results in our favour. When he finds out about us, _and_ that I lied to him, he'll be likely to do very nasty things indeed."

"It sounds like you've already got a plan."

"It's not going to work indefinitely, but for now, all I can do is pretend to be gathering information on you and failing to find something conclusive."

"That's hardly a sustainable solution."

"It's all I've got."

"We could always tell him."

Merlin sighed. Arthur had always been slightly braver when it came to confronting Uther with the truth, although he'd interestingly not wanted to come out as gay without coming out about the relationship. For him, there was always less on the line. Meeting Uther's new assistant had apparently been a bi-monthly ritual at the time Merlin joined the company. When they first met, Merlin was nervous and mixed up some figures in their conversation. But when Arthur mercilessly attacked him for it, h was surprised to find his victim perfectly capable of holding his own. The much loved nicknames of "Prat" and "Idiot" were designated within the first ten minutes. They went out for coffee together after work on that very same day, and Arthur spent the whole time snidely criticising and commentating on the people around them while Merlin giggled an awful lot and shook his head in amused disapproval. A few days later, they exchanged insults over lunch and became so engrossed in more and more creative digs that they were both late back to the office. On their third date, they had dinner, and not much was said at all, mostly due to the fact that their mouths were more or less glued together after the first three minutes and would stay that way until the next morning, making the actual meal an interesting endeavour. There was an understanding that they would keep their relationship a secret, because there was no way Uther would allow Merlin to keep his position for more than two weeks if he knew. But even with the rushed beginning and the secrecy, the relationship had been steady and loving so far. It seemed a shame to risk it at this point.

"Have you listened to a word I've said? With the mood your daddy's in, the truth is no alternative."

"Fair enough. Well, I'll expect to find you in a car parked across the street with binoculars trained at my house this evening."

"You shan't be disappointed."

"Excellent. See you then."

"Oh, you can count on it."


End file.
